Dissolving Barriers

Pain and suffering. Release and peace.

I went to see Dr. Maria LaPutt, an advanced John Barnes Myofascial Release specialist. Like many of the specialists I see, John Barnes MFR has a spiritual and physical component to its framework.

Maria worked on my frozen shoulder in slow and gentle movements. At times I wondered which was worse ... childbirth with no pain meds or this tortuous steady, light pressure she was putting on my shoulder blade. I panted and groaned, as decades of armor started to bend.

Would my noisy exhales turn into sobs? Not today, but I was on the verge of breakthrough. Maria said, "How are you feeling?" I said I feel grief. "Despair and "Trapped" came through as well.

What is so fascinating about energy work is that there are so many layers.  I break through one, only to find another waiting to be undone. I used to dread the process, but like spring cleaning, I want to open all the drawers and cupboards and expose the hidden dirt and clutter to the light, a damp rag, and a trash bag.

Milestones

Twenty-two years ago, at 2:54 pm, I become a mother.

When I posted on Facebook to wish my fabulous daughter a Happy Birthday, I wrote, "I would love to do it all over again."

Wouldn't it be nice to have the stores of wisdom, patience, and good humor that I possess now as a newly minted mother? All the crying over spilled milk, literal and figurative, would evaporate under the light of understanding this: don't sweat the small stuff ... and it's all small stuff.

My friend Denise replied to my wistful remark, "Absolutely, any day of the week. But I'm not up for the months of little and interrupted sleep."

Oh yes, sleep.

Been there, done that.  I'll wait until I'm a grandma.

We are like two bumps on a log. My husband and I.

My husband would say to me about right now, "Being called a bump on a log is not a compliment."

I would respond, "You know what I mean."

My husband has become an expert at translating Ninette. He has logged over thirty years of time perfecting all forms of Ninette, written, verbal, and non-verbal. It has been a requirement of the job.  Since I grew up in a home where my parents' first language was not English, veering off the beaten path when it comes to colloquialisms is par for the course.

Ha, did I just use those two phrases correctly?

When I say we are two bumps on a log, we are inseparable. We are strong. We are enduring.

Sounds like a compliment to me.

Being in One's Body

I have noticed a palpable change since the Pema Chodron retreat at the Omega Institute, thanks to the silence meditation and the Qigong class I took.

I am fully present in my body.  I feel the pressure of the desk against my wrist as I type, the sturdy texture of the dress fabric against my legs.  I hear the whirring of the HVAC system outside my office window.  I see the dried lipstick smudges on my coffee mug.  Time for a wash.

It's exhilarating.

My brain is still here. It's not dominant.  My ego is still here, but its voice is not so loud.  I relish where I am right now.

The Remedy

Photo Credit

Negative energy spreads quickly. Like the flu, the impact of unkind words infects others, jumping from one person to the next. Complaining and gossiping, soured moods and dour faces, malaise and apathy, and lost time and productivity unfold as side effects in a sick world.

Luckily, Nancy Troeger, my colleague, had the remedy.  The recipe was simple and familiar: honesty, respect, kindness, and responsibility. One dose of our Honor Code, and we were as right as rain. 

She employed honesty as a way to have a respectful and kind conversation with the original host, listening but also communicating the widespread impact of actions taken in anger.  By taking responsibility and speaking her truth, Nancy demonstrated our core values.

The Gift

"The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are." -- Joseph Campbell

One thing that chronic pain does is stop you in your tracks.  Literally.

After a long day of work, I paused before my front walkway.  I gathered my resolve, steeling myself to take the first, agonizing step.  I looked up and in front of me unfolded a stunning view of grass blooms glowing in the late afternoon light.

Without the gift of pain, I often wonder how many sacred moments I would miss as I hurried and fretted my way through life. By slowing down, I see.

The Gift of Warmth

Every year, the senior class does a Midnight Run to NYC.  They collect jackets, clothes, blankets, toiletries and other items from the St. Luke's community.  Camille DeMarco-Havens, whose warm and loving personality embraces us all on a daily basis, runs this program with heart and passion.

My husband went through his clothes and donated many pants and shirts, many of them with the tags still on them.

I went to my linen closet and pulled out an abundance of blankets.  Like my younger daughter, I develop an attachment to things.  Each blanket holds a memory.  This one was the first blanket I bought when I was working and started making money.  So and so gave that to me for Christmas when we moved into our first house. That blanket was draped over the rocking chair in my daughters' room when they were babies.

I had a selfish impulse to take my blankets and place them back into the secure confines of my closet as tangible artifacts of my history.

I had another flash ... of people in the here and now, with no homes and little resources, out in the cold, hard rain and sleet we've been enduring here.  I saw my blankets descending gently around their shoulders, spots of cobalt blue, ruby red, and patterned green in an otherwise gray landscape.

I took my blankets, washed and dried them, brought them to school, and placed them in the Midnight Run basket.

I always say that if I had a lot of money, I would give most of it away, knowing how much impact that money would make in people's lives.  But it's worth acknowledging the impact of all acts of generosity, including those small packages which carry the gift of warmth and care for our fellow man.

Counting Your Blessings

"We count our miseries carefully, and accept our blessings without much thought." -- Chinese proverb

It's easy to focus on all that's wrong in our lives. A traffic jam on our way to work. A person who is rude to us. Food that we don't like being served at lunch. Someone who missed a deadline or made a mistake.

How wondrous it would be to focus on what's good. All the times we experience smooth sailing on the way to work. All the people who are nice to us. All the food that people take the time to prepare and offer us. All the times someone does something right.

I was talking to Tracey Hamill, our Parents Assocation President, and for all the concerns that come her way as a school leader, she chooses to focus on the many words of thanks that she receives from fellow parents and faculty.  When she shared some of these lovely comments, her face lit up with the knowledge that her and others' work was meaningful. Her smile was dazzling.  She made me smile too.

Tracey's got the right idea.  Count your blessings and share the wealth.

Gifts Come in Unexpected Packages

I am an avid Facebook user. I don't play the many games that people play, but there is one application that I really appreciate. It's called Message from God.

Every day I receive pearls of wisdom that inspire me.

Here was today's gem:

"The way you treat others is the way you treat yourself. True respect for another comes from self respect. True love for another comes from self love. True forgiveness for another comes from self forgiveness."

How true. Philanthropy, or "love of mankind" which is what the word means, starts at home, in the heart of the individual.

Help to Haiti

Picture from here


In adversity, we often show our true humanity.

Despite everyone's economic woes, the outpouring of help to those in Haiti has been overwhelming. Even when things seem scarce, we all realize how much we have in times like these.

Here at school, students are gathering funds, and I'm sure many of us have made donations to the American Red Cross, Americares, Unicef, Doctors without Borders, Hope for Haiti Now, and other organizations so they can extend much needed aid, supplies, and support.

My thoughts are with the people of Port-au-Prince and those who are on the ground.

Happy Holidays!

You must watch this.

You will break out into a big smile, your heart will expand, and you will be filled with all the good cheer of the holidays.

Happy Holidays!

The Message of the Christmas Carol

Click here for original picture source.

I went to see the new remake of Scrooge with my family soon after Thanksgiving.

I've been watching variations of this story since I was a child, including the first black and white version (scary!), the Donald Duck version, and now this one with performance capture technology.

This story never loses its edge, because its message is wired into our DNA. It turns on our gift to choose. Our destiny is made by the choice of good or bad, selfishness or generosity, to be alone or to be with others.

We don't even need the science of the "helper's high" to know that giving is good for your health, happiness, and your soul.

And it's not only good for you but for those around you.

As Tiny Tim says, "God Bless Us, Everyone!"

Click here for original picture source.

Brothers

One of the best things about St. Luke's is that colleagues are friends. We work hard together, but we always make time to laugh and to enjoy each other's company.

While I have two siblings who are brothers, I have brothers here too. They tease me, give me advice, encourage me, and scold me. I always look forward to seeing them and deeply respect their intelligence, talent, and what they do for St. Luke's.

Two of my brothers are Dale Griffa and Rick Holyfield.

On Facebook, I said I loved Dale, and he wrote back that I should join the All Hail Dale Griffa fan club. Thinking he was joking, I laughed to myself and went to create a Facebook group of the same name.

He wasn't joking.

A student created the group, and I was the 154th person to join. Go figure. I should have known students love Dale as I do. He's strict and demands the best from his students, but he cares deeply about his kids.

Rick and I came to St. Luke's within a few months of each other. I came in late February, he in July. In September, he pulled me aside and said, "Okay, Ninette, when am I going to see the 'real' St. Luke's." I replied, "I've been here six months, and I think this IS the real St. Luke's. Everyone is nice, friendly, hardworking, and committed."

Seven years later, Rick and I are still here.

Rick is funny, honest, and a wonderful public speaker. He's also done so much to integrate everyone into the community and make sure they feel welcome.

Bravo to my brothers.

Even though they are a big pain in my side. ;)

Your Kids Will Be Known ... and Needed

At today's Open House for new families, Mark Davis spoke to the parents about the school. He talked about all the many opportunities available to students who come here, about taking risks in a safe environment, and how our deep sense of community provides the foundation for everything we do.

What struck a deep chord in me, like the bass timbre of a large Buddhist bell gong, was Mark's sharing,

"Your kids will be known ... and needed."

We all want to be known, but to be needed is deeply embedded in our humanity.

To be needed is to be valued.

And to be valued is priceless.

Breathe

School is so busy that sometimes it feels like I don't have time to breathe.

But you have to breathe to live.

When I need to reground myself, my form of breathing is to get to the reason why I'm at school in the first place -- the kids.

Instead of worrying about whatever I was worrying about, I went for a quick run on the elliptical and then out to the field hockey field to join JV field hockey practice.

I hadn't picked up a stick in 25 years, but in short order, I was shooting on the goalie and participating in drills.

One girl, Lauren, who just started field hockey this week, was fabulous. While she was new to the technical part of field hockey, she was an expert in passion and spunk. And that piece is going to make her a great field hockey player and teammate.

My time on the field was exhilirating! The fresh, cool air cleared my brain. My muscles burned. The kids inspired.

I breathed.

“Teamwork divides the task...

...and multiplies the success." - Anonymous

How true.

Most people will see the above postcard and think it's about Homecoming. For me, it will always represent a great example of teamwork at St. Luke's.

Jodi, our alumni director, stated a need on Thursday, and by the end of Friday, we had this beautiful postcard. Zoe, our communications director, added her resources to ours, even though her office was stacked, as was mine. Jodi wrote the catchy text, Desiree designed a stunning layout, Jane arranged the printing, Sarah got us the alumni mailing list, and we all proofread and edited our way to the finish line.

There is no way my office would have been able to produce such an eye-catching mailer to gain the attention of our alumni base.

What was extraordinary as well was the camaraderie. Despite everyone's workload, people pulled together with purpose -- and a smile.

Thank you to Zoe, Desiree, Jane, Sarah, and Jodi.

A Single Grain of Rice Can Tip the Scale

Christina's rice crispy treats, lower right hand side, help raise money for fellow students in Sudan.

In the movie musical Mulan, which happened to be last year's Middle School musical, the Emperor says,

A single grain of rice can tip the scale.

How true this is. A single grain of rice can mean the difference between life and death, an act of kindness between hope and despair, a donation the difference between the success or failure of many.

Gabriel Bol Deng was here today to talk to the kids about his heartbreaking experience as one of the Lost Boys of Sudan and to talk about his organization, Hope for Ariang. Although many would have succumbed to the horrors of what happened in war-torn Sudan, Gabriel is an inspiring example of someone who took the coal of darkness and hopelessness and reshaped it into a shining diamond of compassion and assistance. He works tirelessly to tell many his story, so they will be inspired to make a difference. Hope for Ariang raises funds to support the construction of a school in Gabriel's hometown that will serve over 600 children and more and the drilling of wells to provide water for over 20,000 people. To donate to these efforts, click here.

In preparation for his visit, the 6th grade spearheaded a bake sale to raise money for Hope for Ariang. The night before the sale, we got home late, and since I was not feeling well, I told Christina, "I'm sorry, honey, but I'm just not up to baking something for the bake sale."

No matter. Christina said, "I'm fine on my own. I'm going to make Rice Crispy Treats with M&Ms. I don't really have a recipe, so I'm just going to wing it."

As I watched her guesstimate the marshmallows, butter, and some caramel chews, and pour the tumbling grains of crisped rice out of the cereal box, I felt immense pride.

Here is a girl who is showing enterpreneurship, resourcefulness, and creativity for a good cause.

The next day, we were running late and were in the car already backing out of the driveway when Christina said she needed to get something in the house. She got out of the car, ran in the house, and when she came out, she had some tightly folded dollar bills in her hand.

I asked her what they were for, and she said they were for the bake sale.

"I have $6 from my piggy bank, and if there's nothing I want to buy from the bake sale, I'm going to give this money anyway. I know this is not about cookies, but about helping kids go to school in Africa."

In addition to my earlier pride, I felt immense satisfaction in knowing my daughter understands philanthropy, which means "love of mankind," and what it means to live the school motto, Enter to Learn, Go Forth to Serve.

And who knows? Her final six dollars may help pay for the door that will open into a new school and a future for hundreds of children.

A single grain of rice can tip the scale.

Shot Out of a Cannon

Our Head of School Mark Davis says the beginning of school is like being shot out of a cannon.

And boy, is it! September is jam-packed with new faculty and student orientations, class trips, the first day of school, the first assembly, the first lunchline, photo day, parent coffees, Middle School and Upper School Open Houses, board and staff committee meetings, athletic meets, Admissions events, Annual Fund kick off ... You name it, we've got it.

The great thing about being shot out of a cannon is that the view is spectacular. You see the full kaleidoscope of school life, a riot of colors, buzzing clusters of excited people, and cheery but purposeful activity. You feel the energy of the festive atmosphere as wind that blows through your hair. The warm breeze of expanding minds, self-discovery, and shared goals invigorates you as you sail over this sunny, beautiful, verdant Hilltop.

If school is a carnival, I'm glad to be a performer.

Sharing a Pot of Curry

Today I was at school with my kids to welcome and give a tour to a group of prospective families from Reach Prep who were considering our school. Fontella, a fellow parent and friend, was there too with her daughters, and she gave me a warm hug and freely shared her lovely smile. Like their mom, the D. girls are earnest, hardworking, and beautiful, both inside and out.

Last year, Fontella brought a Jamaican curry chicken to one of the school's Multicultural family group get togethers. It was the best curry chicken I had eaten, because the chicken was the softest and silkiest I had ever tasted. It was addictive. After that night, I would fondly tease Fontella with a "Where is my curry chicken?"

Well today was no different. I went on and on about where was my curry chicken, hugged her goodbye, and went home.

A couple hours later, I got a call from Fontella. Surprise! She went home and actually made curry chicken, and she called me to come pick up some.

Don't you agree I have lovely friends?

For more information on how Fontella cooks her curry chicken, go to my food blog, Big, Bold, Beautiful Food.

Climbing

At Middle School Open House, parents get to come to school and spend a "day in the life" of their kids, wandering through the halls and going to different classes.

It's an opportunity to meet teachers and hear about what they're going to do in the classroom this year.

I was very impressed.

I liked how Mr. Chuhta, Lizzy's science teacher, said that his course doesn't have labs; it is labs and in that way the class is discovery-based. As a teacher, he is a GUIDE so the kids can figure it out themselves and see the real world relevance of science all around them.

Mrs. Cortes, Lizzy's math teacher, also had a wonderful philosophy of teaching math. She said she wants the kids to start with what they know and build upon the foundation they already have. She wants them to do a lot of THINKING. She also focused on translating English to math, as this is the basis of many real world applications of algebra: word problems.

I appreciate that they and other SLS teachers don't view kids as inert vases to be filled with content but as active, breathing participants in the learning process. Indeed, if the teachers are just guides or sherpas, then the kids themselves are forging new, if at times difficult, ground, discovering for themselves what the teachers already know. They will reach the apex, exhilarated in the knowledge that they got there on their own two feet.

When success comes from within, each student will carry with them the belief that they can accomplish anything.

What a powerful life lesson to learn.

Bravo, teachers!

Note: Thank to the person who took the picture featured here.